Premarital (or extra-marital) sex is always a losing proposition! God is clear that His wonderful gift of physical intimacy is to reserved for the boundaries of marriage. Inside of those boundaries, the sexual relationship is a gift that blesses a couple and a family abundantly. Outside of that biblical commitment, the sexual relationship is always destructive, empty, and sinful. God’s word for this is “fornication”—1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
In all of my counseling, I never meet people who are glad that they have committed fornication. After the fact, there is ALWAYS regret. Here’s a short list why fornication is always a really bad idea:
1. It breaks God’s laws and dishonors Him—search a concordance for the word “fornication.” We could stop here—it’s all we really need to know.
2. It presents huge physical risk—diseases and illness are rampant among those who engage in this lifestyle.
3. It presents huge emotional risk—a physical and emotional bond without a spiritual commitment is never a winning experience.
4. It presents huge spiritual risk—grieving the Holy Spirit and offending a holy God means we forfeit God’s best. We never win by dishonoring God.
5. It is awkward, guilt ridden, unfulfilling, and not representative of God’s original intent—hence a culture that continually seeks fulfillment with new partners and relationships.
6. It is disappointing at the physical, emotional, and spiritual levels—the only physical intimacy that exceeds expectations is that founded on long-term commitment and marital growth.
7. It creates a spiritual/emotional bond without commitment—this only breeds resentment, bitterness, and the feeling of being used. It says something like this, “I don’t love you enough to commit to you, but I love me enough to use you.”
8. It destroys trust—the best way to have trust in a marriage is to stay pure before you get married. Learning to be committed to Christ (in purity) is the best way to learn to be committed to a spouse.
9. It creates resentment and frustration—it was designed to happen within a committed marriage of selfless love. Outside of that, fornication just breaks the heart and wounds the soul.
10. It leaves you empty and searching for real love—physical intimacy doesn’t create a loving, committed relationship, it’s the fruit of one.
11. It devalues the future intimacy of your marriage—intimacy is “just the two of us.” Premarital relationships destroy that before it even happens.
12. It prevents the greatest intimacy in marriage—the purest and most fulfilling marital relationship is that which is forever untouched by previous relationships. (If you have failed morally, don’t lose hope. Claim God’s grace, and begin protecting your future marriage today by abstaining from further fornication.) Jesus doesn’t shame you, but He would say, “Go and sin no more.”
13. It sets a person on a path of unfulfilling sexual experiences—fornication is a downward spiral of perpetually unfulfilling relationships.
14. It attempts to shortcut God’s plan for marriage and family—it turns God’s great gift of family and love into a cheap thrill and self-centered pleasure quest.
15. It prevents you from having the most fulfilling sexual relationship—while a person is sleeping around, they are NOT preparing for the wonderful lifetime relationship that God intended.
16. It enlarges sexual desires and makes them insatiable—thinking with your hormones allows them to become an unruly taskmaster.
17. It puts the flesh and hormones in control of your life—you are more than a chemical reaction that seeks gratification. Don’t allow your life to be directed by physical desires. Submit those desires to the Holy Spirit, and let them be fulfilled in God’s time and in God’s way.
18. It creates children without strong homes—God intends this relationship to create a family with a foundation of commitment and lifetime love.
19. It feeds the abortion industry—illicit relationship creates unwanted children which creates “the abortion industry.”
20. It cannot be done safely—no matter what culture says—safe sex is one man, one woman, committed in marriage, for the rest of their lives.
Losing your virginity is a big step, and it’s one that you should make with your partner consensually and with a clear mind.
People often ask me if there is a “right” time for a young person to lose their virginity. Should they wait until college, until they are monogamous, or until they are adults and married? The answer is truly going to depend on your own personal religious and cultural beliefs, but it’s an important topic to discuss because all young people need to be involved and educated when it comes to their bodies and their sexual decisions. Parents and teens both need to keep their communication honest and open, and it’s a conversation that we should have not just once, but frequently, especially as our kids mature and start dating.
As mentioned above, the decision to have sex is an individual one, and there is no specific age when sexual activity must begin. Some people choose to wait until they are married, some until they fall in love, some until they are in a committed relationship, some until they are graduated and living away from home, etc. Despite what you may see in the media, the truth is that many young people are actually waiting to have sex and there is nothing weird or “prudish” about that. In fact,
It is a decision which can protect you from unplanned pregnancies, STDs, and even a broken heart.
Many young people have sex before they are emotionally prepared, perhaps because they are inundated with sexual messaging every day. Sex seems like something that everyone is doing, something that is ‘no big deal.’ Choosing not to engage in sexual activity can feel like social suicide, especially if people mock you for your decision or try to pressure you to have sex before you are ready. Unfortunately, these are issues which teens are forced to confront every day, whether they are at school, at the movies, or hanging out with friends.
So how do you know when you are ready to have sex?
First, it is important to consider the far-reaching consequences of having sex before you are ready. There are potentially very real and very well-known consequences, such as STDs and teen pregnancy, but there are also other less known concerns to take under consideration. For example, did you know that young girls who have sex before they are ready are more likely to struggle with sexual satisfaction and sexual response when they get older? When your first memories of sex are unpleasant, it can negatively color the rest of your sexual experiences. In an ideal world, every woman’s first memories of sex would be of love, mutual respect, and mutual pleasure. By postponing sex until you are in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone who loves you, you can increase your chances of having such a positive experience.
Second, it’s important to realize that there is nothing wrong with having sexual desires and fantasies. As your body changes and your hormones fluctuate, you will no doubt experience sexual thoughts, feelings, and urges. However, intercourse is just one way to release those feelings. Masturbation can help to relieve sexual tension, and can help you get to know your body and your sexual response (all of which will be helpful when you do decide to have sex someday). Rest assured, masturbation is a completely normal activity, and not something of which you should be embarrassed or ashamed.
Third, think outside the box when you are ready to be intimate with your partner. You don’t immediately have to jump from making out to having sex. There are many other ways you can be intimate without having sex, such as through VENIS (very erotic non-insertive sex). With VENIS, you can enjoy sensual and erotic activities with your partner without engaging in intercourse. Ideas include: Give each other a massage, take a bath together, explore mutual masturbation, or have manual sex (hands-only). These are all ways to explore your sexuality without risking STDS or pregnancy, and while postponing actual intercourse until you are ready for those potential risks.
Fourth, remember that you and your partner might have very different ideas and expectations about sexual activity. You might assume that your partner has the same relationship goals as you, but until you ask them, you really don’t know. Are you going to be together forever? Is this a summer fling or a serious relationship? It’s important to find out, especially if it impacts your decision to lose your virginity. You also need to be able to discuss other topics, such as STD testing, sexual history, etc. If you aren’t comfortable having these conversations, then you aren’t ready to have sex.
Fifth, remember that a lot of what you hear from your friends and peers isn’t often true. Your friends might be exaggerating their sexual activity in an effort to look more adult (although it only makes them look just the opposite), so take news of their sexual ‘conquests’ with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is your health and your happiness, so practice good self-care and don’t rush into sex…you have your whole life to enjoy it!
Abstinence can mean different things for different people but strictly speaking it means no sexual contact of any kind, especially no penis-to-vagina contact. For a variety of reasons, many people may choose abstinence at some point in their life. Abstinence is refraining from all sexual activity. Sexual activity refers to actions intended to result in sexual arousal or gratification.
– Sex includes penile-vaginal, anal and oral sex.
– Other actions intended to result arousal or gratification, including, but not limited to, masturbation, mutual masturbation, fondling, the use of sex toys, and the viewing of pornography.
In terms of birth control, abstinence means not allowing sperm near the woman's body below the waist.
In terms of STI protection, abstinence also means no oral-genital, anal-genital, or intimate skin-to-skin contact.
How effective is it?
If used consistently, abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy and STIs.
Benefits of Abstinence
There are so many other personal, social and economical reasons why abstinence is a great idea. But ultimately, it all comes down to personal choice. What do you choose? Take some time to think about this. We believe that your life counts, and you are a person worth waiting for. Your physical, emotional and mental health is irreplaceable and we want to encourage you to make the decision that you feel is best. There is no sex safer than no sex, and you deserve to have the best.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you
Abstinence is a great choice for so many reasons. Here is a list of the most importance reasons to practice abstinence, and why sexual abstinence is a 'big deal'.
• Sexual abstinence is the only 100% guarantee that you won’t become a mommy or a daddy until you’re ready. (No stretch marks, no crying babies, no poopy diapers – until you’re ready!)
• Sexual abstinence is the only 100% guarantee that you won’t get an STD. (While latex condoms can help prevent some STDs, they are not nearly 100% effective. Condoms don’t prevent against HPV, gonorrhea, or genital herpes among many other STDs)
• Having sex with an individual has psychological repercussions. If there is a breakup, increased chances of depression and unstable mental health are higher.
• Practicing sexual abstinence is a great way to get to know your boundaries and develop a stronger relationship emotionally and spiritually with the person you are dating.
• You won’t need to hide anything from your parents or your friends, which takes a lot of pressure off your back and helps strengthen your relationship with them.
• You will know that the person you are with, is with you for YOU. Your personality, your interests, and all of the great things about you besides sexuality.
• Statistics show that teens who practise sexual abstinence are less likely to have depression, less likely to attempt suicide, less likely to live in poverty as adults.
• Statistics show that teens who practise sexual abstinence are likely to do better in school. (Twice as likely to graduate from college than teens who do not practise abstinence).
• Abstinence is free, available to all, and can be started at any time in one's life
• Abstinence may encourage people to build relationships in other ways - there are ways to be intimate with someone that don't involve sexual activity
• Abstinence may be the course of action which you feel is right for you and makes you feel good about yourself
• There are no medical or hormonal side effects
• If you are counting on abstinence and change your mind in the heat of the moment, you might not have protection handy.
• Choosing abstinence does not mean that your sex drive (libido) goes away and you may need to find other ways to redirect your sexual energy.
Important points to think about
• There are many reasons people choose abstinence; it is important to make your decision for yourself and define what abstinence means to you and, if you are in or beginning a relationship, what it means to your partner.
• You don't have to be a virgin to practice abstinence - many people abstain from sex at different times, and for different reasons.
• Find someone that you trust, respect and feel safe with to discuss your decision.
• Have barrier methods handy 'just in case' you change your mind
• Seek emergency contraception if intercourse occurs without contraception
Some churches and sex education programs have organized support groups or curricula for young people wanting to wait until marriage before having intercourse. If this is your decision, you may find one of these groups helpful to you.
is the state in which a person consciously avoids any sexual activity. Celibacy is believed to have existed since ancient times as a form of population control. In the Christian world, celibacy is thought to come from the interpretation of various religious texts, mainly the New Testament. Sexuality in human beings is viewed by some religious authorities not as a gift but as a means to procreation, and many Christian denominations encourage their followers to have sex only in order to give birth to a child. Some Christian thinkers assert that the concept of celibacy is not only about being devoid of libidinous acts, but also of being free of any sinful thoughts associated with the human flesh. Existing to this day in the Balkans region is a tradition of sworn virgins that pushes women to a vow of celibacy, giving them in return what are traditionally men’s privileges, such as owning land, wearing unisex clothes, etc.
Abstinence can be defined as a self-imposed restraint from sexual activity. The reasons for being sexually abstinent vary from person to person and can be connected to socio-psychological, ethical, legal or physiological issues. Women often opt for sexual abstinence during the fertile period. Many ancient societies promoted sexual abstinence for medical and social reasons. Men’s sexual abstinence may stem from the concept of a man as a leader. A true leader wouldn’t open up to have sexual contact with a woman because he would lose his power somehow by doing so. To this day in some societies, sexual abstinence before the official marriage is required. In the United States there have been several programs initiated by the Federal Government to promote abstinence among teenagers. In 2006, President George W. Bush’s administration launched a program that expanded the observance of abstinence from teenagers to adults. This program specifically encouraged unmarried adults to abstain from sexual activity before marriage (as an alternative to using birth control) and was subject to strong criticism on the part of various family planning-oriented groups and research institutes in the United States. President Barack Obama’s administration in 2009 eliminated most of the funding for this sexual abstinence program.
Celibacy vs. Abstinence
What is the difference between celibacy and abstinence?
• Celibacy refers to the decision of abstaining from sex. That is, celibacy is usually imposed on the person by an authority and the person decides to follow a given guideline. Sexual abstinence, on the other hand, rather describes a state when sexual activity is not present. It may not be a product of the decision to hold back natural instincts, but the result of given circumstances, for example, a lack of time.
• Celibacy has always been connected either to religious norms and dogmas or religion-influenced social norms and dogmas of a given society. Celibate persons simply have to be as such because religious authorities have told them so. Sexual abstinence, on the other hand, is not necessarily rooted in religion-connected issues. There is a large variety of forces one has to take into consideration when looking for reasons of abstinence in the case of any individual.
To answer this question, we need to go right to the very beginning of the Bible. In Genesis 1-2 God made the whole universe, which obviously included men and women (Gen 1:26-29). Genesis 2 focuses on the creation of men and women in more detail (as well as their God given roles). In chapter 2, God created Adam first (2:7), and then Eve (2:18, 20b-22). Adam’s response when he meets the first woman is in verse 23:
This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (ESV)
The author of Genesis then draws out an implication from this in verse 24:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
These verses are saying that given the nature of men and women, a man will leave his family and be united to his wife in marriage (forming a new family unit), and that they shall become one flesh. Becoming one flesh is the result of both being married and of sex. In other words the two go together, and both are “very good” (cf. Genesis 1:31).
Let’s look at this in a bit more detail. In 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 Paul is addressing an error in the Corinthian church. They were saying something like: “everything is permissible for me” (1 Corinthians 6:12), and using it to justify sex outside of marriage, specifically sex with a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:15-16). These verses are key, because they tell us God’s purpose for sex:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. (1 Corinthians 6:15-17)
Paul’s argument is that as Christians, the Corinthians are united to Christ: their bodies belong to him. Paul then asks, if your bodies belong to Christ, how can you give them to a prostitute? In verse 16, we see the effect (and purpose) of sex: it units people together; it makes them “one flesh.” Paul’s challenge to the Corinthians is how can you unite yourselves to a prostitute by sex (who has nothing to do with Christ), and be united to Christ at the same time?
From these verses, the purpose of sex is clear: it is to unite a man and women together. Indeed, every time they have sex together they are reinforcing their unity. This is why it goes hand in hand with marriage, because in marriage a men and wife have publically expressed their sole commitment to one another – they are united together, and sex expresses that unity.
Therefore, in the Bible, sexual immorality refers to any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage between one man and one women. Paul’s conclusion to his argument in 1 Corinthians 6 is in verse 18-20:
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
Given what Paul has just said about sex in the previous verses, his command to “flee sexual immorality” is not surprising. It is also important to remember who we are: Christians are those whom God has bought at a great price (the cost of Jesus’ death on the Cross), and they are the temple of the Holy Spirit. As such, our bodies must be used for what is holy, not what is impure. As Paul says, “glorify God with your body.”
Let me now address the second part of your question: is marriage still holy when neither person is a virgin. If the couple involved in the marriage are Christians and are truly sorry (repentant) for their past sins, then the marriage is just as holy as one with two virgins. Paul’s comments in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 are helpful here:
For do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
In verse 11, Paul says that some of the Corinthians were sexually immoral, but that in Christ they have been washed, sanctified (made holy), and justified (made right with God). Therefore, no matter what past sexual sins have been committed, in Christ there is cleansing and forgiveness. But equally the fact that God has (and will) forgive sin, mustn’t be used to justify further sin. Remember Paul’s comment in 1 Corinthians 6:18: “flee from sexual immorality.”
Thinking about sex is perfectly natural. We're hormonal, sexual beings, whose genes drive us to procreate. But sometimes, sexual thoughts can become overwhelming, making it difficult to focus and difficult to get simple things done. However, it's possible for those urges and desires to become more like background noise as you go through your everyday life, especially when you should be thinking more about career, education, health, interests and hobbies, family and friends, money, etc. Read after the jump to begin learning to stop thinking about sex.
Part One: Avoiding Triggers
1. Understand and anticipate categories of triggers. While it might be easy to identify specific triggers or situational triggers, such as those above, try to see if you can isolate patterns to your triggers. This understanding can help you become more proactive about the types of things to avoid when trying to decrease sexual thoughts.
• Do your triggers tend to be more visual or more verbal? Men, for example, tend to be more turned on by visual stimuli while women might be more affected by verbal ones.
2. Know your own particular triggers. If a particular person, time of day, or emotion always leads you to distracting thoughts about sex, learn to identify those triggers that drag your mind into the gutter. Create a list of your triggers. Maybe you always think about sex:
• First thing in the morning.
• During a particular class, like gym, yoga, etc.
• On the bus.
• When you're supposed to be studying or working.
• When you're around the opposite/same sex.
• In bed.
3. Make it difficult to look at pornography. While it might seem like a way to satisfy sexual urges temporarily, developing an unhealthy reliance on or relationship with pornography could spiral into more and more sexual thoughts, making it very hard to get free of their grip.
• Get rid of pornographic videos, magazines, calendars, and other materials in your house and, to the best of your ability, avoid watching it.
• If you have a firewall guard in your computer, try to enable parental controls, and put the profile to teen so you won't accidentally stumble across any pornography. Parental controls don’t have to be just for kids, of course, and you can set them up on all your browsers and other devices.
4. Keep a list of unsexy topics. This is basically what you consider the opposite of sexy. You could try turning yourself off by training yourself to think of unsexy things when your mind drifts into sexual territory. Anything that you would consider an unsexy mental diversion could work here.
• Try thinking about neutral pleasant topics like scenic outdoor views, underwater scenes, puppies, sports bloopers, or chess strategy.
• You could think of cold-related topics like big and bulky clothing, snow, or winter.
5 Replace your triggers with other thoughts and topics. Get in your own way and don't allow yourself to think about sex by focusing on these other things. It will become second nature before too long.
• Find something to do immediately as a diversion. If you're always dwelling on sex during idle bus rides, for example, make a special effort to do something else during your ride, like finishing some homework, reading a new book, or talking to a friend. Or, if you start thinking about sex at boring points in a class, a meeting, or at work, for example, you might start taking notes. By keeping your pen moving, you'll have to stay focused on the conversation at hand and not what's going on in your mind.
• Keep discussion topics top of mind. If you can't run into a particular person without thinking about sex and getting embarrassed, come up with three specific things you want to ask them next time you see them. You could also come up with more thought-provoking topics that apply to most people, such as those surrounding current events, global affairs, the environment, or even politics.[
6 Make a commitment to yourself. Make a minimum goal to curb your sexual thoughts so that they don't distract you from your other daily activities, such as work or school, and commit to it.
• If you need help remembering your commitment, wear a piece of jewelry or a simple string around your wrist that will remind you to power through the temptation to get lost in sexual thought.
• Tell someone about your goal. Telling a trusted friend or family member about your efforts is a good way to help you stay accountable. Have them check in with you regularly to see that you’re doing okay and to provide help or suggestions, if needed.
• Reward yourself for keeping your commitment. This should be pretty straightforward. You could reward yourself with a favorite dessert, a shopping trip, or something else you like.
7 Don't beat yourself up. Thinking about sex is a big part of adolescence and adulthood, and you don't need to feel guilty about it. The only way sexual thoughts become a problem is if you can't focus on what you want to think about. Remember that it’s not always going to be difficult, and the present urge will pass.
Part 2: Keeping Busy
1. Make specific plans. Fill idle time in your schedule by planning things in advance. Everyone needs time to relax, but finding yourself with hours of time on your hands might lead to backsliding and thinking about sex too much. Schedule your day full with events and activities to better yourself. Leave a bit of time at the end of the day for reflection and relaxation, but not so much that you'll get bored or that your mind will
wander toward sex.
2. be creative. Translate your sex drive into creative energy. Take the time you'd usually spend thinking about sex and instead devote it to a creative hobby. If it's something you really enjoy, it can provide you with an alternate avenue for catharsis and satisfaction, keeping your mind busy and occupied.
2. Writing, including journaling.
3. Singing, playing a musical instrument, or spinning.
4. Painting, drawing, or sculpting.
5. Knitting or sewing.
3. Pick up a book or movie. Getting lost in an engrossing book or movie is fun in and of itself, but it can also be an easy, low-energy way to avoid sexual thoughts, particularly in the short term.
• Be sure to find a movie that won’t remind you of sex, and stay clear of steamy romance novels or sexy illustrations.
• Most animated, action, adventure, thriller, or mystery films and books could work here.
4 Go to a show or exhibit. This will keep your mind occupied with other things and could be a lot of fun. Going with friends is even better as they can further distract you. Plus, you can talk with them about the event afterward and what you thought of it.
• Consider attending a live performance, such as a concert, musical, play, lecture, or reading.
• You might also go to a museum, a new exhibit, an aquarium, or a zoo.
Part 3: Staying Healthy
1. Remember to eat. Sexual thoughts or dissatisfaction might come from another sort of dissatisfaction: hunger. So, don’t to skip meals. Try to eat three, healthy balanced meals per day, and remember to hydrate as well, particularly during hot weather. To keep your mind sharp enough to ward off sexual thoughts, try eating brain foods like celery, spinach, walnuts, sunflower or pumpkin seeds, beets, and even dark chocolate!
2. Exercise. Obviously, exercising is healthy itself, but it also does a few specific things that help damper sexual preoccupations. Exercise can be engrossing and distracting, and when you work out hard enough, other distractions have a tendency of receding into the background.
Exercise provides a natural endorphin rush. Endorphins provide a generally good feeling, and help relieve depression. During sex, endorphins are also released, along with other chemicals like the hormone oxytocin. Ergo, exercise can be a good substitute for sexual activity.
3 Take up a team sport. While playing an individual sport, you may have difficulty getting away from your own thoughts. With team sports, you’re much less likely to have this problem because they are social activities.
Choose the right type of sport and team. Of course, you may still be attracted to someone else on your team or in your league, but you should be able to determine whether the benefits of playing outweigh the risk of worsening your thoughts about sex. You might also try joining a single-sex team or a different league, for example.
4. Sleep restfully. When you’re tired, you might have trouble focusing. Lack of sleep reduces your alertness and concentration, and it can affect your mood. So, you’ll have difficulty preventing your mind from wandering to sex, and it will be harder to implement the sex-free thought practices above. Make sure your bed is comfortable and that you’re getting eight hours of sleep and deep sleep or Rem sleep
Part 4: Cultivating a Healthy Sex Life
1 Communicate with your partner. If you’re in a relationship, communication is a key part of cultivating a healthy sex life. Getting thoughts out in the open is also a good way to keep them from growing or festering in your head, and it can improve your sex life instead.
• If you're sexually active, communicate with your partner to maintain a healthy and open sexual relationship that keeps you both fulfilled. Communication doesn’t have to be just verbal, either. You can write your partner notes. As a couple, you could also read a book together or watch a film that shows or articulates your thoughts. And if you’re reluctant to communicate with your partner about sex, remember that communication itself is a turn on.
• If you’re not sexually active, it’s equally important to communicate. If you're thinking about sex more than you'd like to even though you're not sexually active, is it because there's something lacking or frustrating about your sex life? Talk to your partner openly and truthfully. You also want to make sure your expectations are aligned with your partners. You should know if and when, for example, your partner wants to begin having sex, and he should know when you want to have sex as well.
2.Think of sex in romantic terms. If you are in a relationship, use your sexual drive to act in a loving and caring manner toward your partner. Be romantic instead of strictly sexual, per se. That way, you can build the emotional intimacy you share with each other.
3. Develop healthy attitudes and practices about masturbation. With masturbation, there's nothing to feel guilty about, especially if it helps keep your sexual thoughts and urges in check. Abstaining might even worsen your urges. If you're constantly thinking about finding a sexual partner, you can date regularly yet keep yourself partially sexually satisfied through masturbation. This can help free your mind to focus on more important things. Just make sure masturbation doesn't turn into a new addiction, however.
4 Remember that it’s not all about sex. Any topic that you think about too much or obsess over can seem all-consuming, and while sex is important and seems omnipresent, life is not entirely reduced to sex and sexual desires. You’re a complicated, multi-faceted person. So, honor your various thoughts, interests, and abilities.
Part 5: Seeking External Help
1 Talk to a trusted family member. Even though parents may seem like dinosaurs when you get to your teenage years, your parents have been there before. If you’re a teen, talking to a parent you feel comfortable with can, if not solve your problem, at least help you to feel more comfortable and normal. Thinking about sex is a common struggle for teenagers and talking about it can help.
• Talk to other family members. If you do not wish to speak with your parents, consider talking to an older sibling or a cousin. They might be able to relate to you better since they’re closer in age.
1. Tell a trusted friend about your problem. As terrifying as this may sound, it is one of the most powerful and effective approaches. If you are lucky enough to know someone who is not judgmental and will understand and appreciate your goal, talk to them about how you are doing. Having a frank conversation when you feel compelled to think or act in ways you would rather not can be a reassuring source on ongoing support.
2. Talk to a religious advisor or counselor. If you're struggling with sexual urges as a part of your commitment to a particular faith, get help from your pastor or another religious leader. This is a common issue and you shouldn't feel embarrassed to bring it up. They have heard this and much more before, and can help you keep your challenges in perspective.
4 Consult a therapist or guidance counselor. This could include psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, or and other types of therapists.
• Some specialists charge a fee, of course, but look to see if your insurance covers all or part of your visits. If you’re a student or have comprehensive workplace benefits, you may be able to consult a specialist at little or no cost. Whether you pay or not, your visit and specific concerns will be kept confidential, and your therapist can explain confidentiality further with you. Knowing how to address any obsessive thought, sexual or otherwise, is something they can help you learn to deal with.
• There is also much less of a stigma today to speaking with therapists, and you might be surprise about the people who regularly see a specialist. So, you shouldn’t hesitate for social reasons about visiting one.
• If you suspect your overwhelming thoughts may be a kind of sexual addiction, seek help from a licensed sex therapist and treat those symptoms as well. Don't let an obsession turn into destructive or dangerous behavior.
When it comes to serious relationships, virtually no topic should be off-limits. Whether you've just moved in together, a baby's on the way, you're saying "I do," or any combination of the three — there are some things you just need to know. Ahead are 38 questions to ask your significant other as the stakes are raised in your partnership. Note: these range from mildly uncomfortable to a little, sort of, somewhat, totally and utterly cringe worthy. But no matter the inquiry, soldier on . . . if you have any hope for the future, you'll need to know the answer!
1. What are your religious beliefs?
2. What are you political beliefs?
3. How do you feel about abortion?
4. What is your ideal career?
5. Are you in any debt?
6. What's your income?
7. How do you spend your money?
8. How much is in your savings?
9. What's your biggest pet peeve?
10. How do you feel about monogamy?
11. Do you have any fetishes?
12. What are your porn habits?
13. Are you comfortable with my family?
14. Do I fit in with your family?
15. Do you want kids?
16. If so, how many, and when?
17. What kind of parent do you think you'd be?
18. Do you want pets?
19. Where is your ideal place to live?
20. Where is your ideal place to raise kids?
21. Will we raise our children to be spiritual?
22. Are you more comfortable with a nanny or daycare?
23. What are your thoughts on recreational drug use?
24. Do you feel comfortable prioritizing aspects of my family's culture, such as religion or language?
25. Would you rather join our bank accounts or keep them separate?
26. How are we going to split the bills?
27. Do you gamble?
28. How do you feel about marriage?
29. What kind of wedding would you have?
30. Are we going to keep our surnames?
31. How much would you post on social media about our marriage?
32. How much would you post on social media about our kids?
33. Would you be willing to delete nude photos of me?
34. Would you be willing to follow stricter internet account rules?
35. Do you have any bad habits I should know about?
36. Do you get jealous?
37. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
38. What's your ultimate deal-breake
Sexual intercourse outside marriage, once a taboo, has pervasively become the order of the day in this the so-called modern days. The situation now is such that it is considered an absurdity not to be doing it. Like a dog beaten in a contest, mankind is beginning to return home with tail folded between our legs as a result of the suffering, pain, shame and disease occasioned by premarital sex.
As the evil and challenge of pre-marital sex and infidelity in marriages jolt the people back to their senses, a number of relationship authorities such Auntie Agatha of Share A Problem with Agatha and Marriage Clinic, Tina L. Jones an associate of Alexandra Fox, notable relationship coaches and the book Foundation For Joyful Relationship have spoken with vehemence on the merits of avoiding pre-marital sex and the dangers of engaging in it.
It has been established that premarital sex scuttles the possibility of a relationship growing into a beautiful experience. Yet, those who get engaged in premarital sex do so for the experience. Surveys have shown that a great deal of young single adult men and women would like to avoid premarital sex. How do they go about this in the presence of the overpowering influence of the sexual dimorphism?
The following preparations and activities have helped a great deal in saving the virtue of young people and even seniors’ in dating:
• Be careful not to be alone with the opposite sex – I know the questions would fly from left right and center. How can we date without being able to be alone so we can talk? How can we learn about one another without talking? This is why group dating is strongly emphasized. You do not need to be alone to talk. In fact, when you are alone together, you would not be talking. You would be consumed by feelings which would lead you to premarital sex unless you do the next best thing….
• Leave, run, escape – Be prepared and do please leave the scene of dating when you first notice that you are alone or the mood has started to change. In fact, the moment your conversation starts hanging, words become scarce and both of you start staring at each other. When he leaves where he was sitting and comes over by your side and starts breathing down those charged airs from his body. The moment he starts grabbing your hands. The moments his friends who were all with both of you start leaving, it is also time for you to leave. This could be arranged. This is when date-rape takes place. This is the time to leave, run and escape, whichever is applicable with your circumstances. It might be necessary to shock the man back to his senses with a dirty slap. This could be counter-productive, but very handy if you could not escape. It is best, however, to get up and leave, run and escape as the case may be.
• Settle Beginnings – It is absolutely necessary that some benchmarks be set before you set out on the date or as you settle down to talk. Some of the issues that need to be settled in advance include but not limited to:
a. Dirty language
b. Intimate language
c. Handshakes and touching
d. Petting and kissing
Dirty and intimate languages would arouse in both of you feelings you cannot control. Your tolerance of these kinds of languages would give you out as someone who is ready for whatever comes including sexual intercourse on demand. Most men are quick to seize such opportunities. Probably most women too.
Petting and kissing, handshakes and touching are dangerous precursors of sexual intercourse. During wedding ceremonies, the official conducting the wedding usually invites the groom to kiss the bride as husbands and wives do. That’s an ouster clause for dating partners.
Experience has shown that those who date properly and avoid premarital sex enjoy their dating and courtship experience much more than those who get involved in premarital sex. Also, early marriage decisions with clear head have result more in no-sex dating and courtships.