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Marriage Clinic

41 Ways to Surprise Your Husband

Is your husband a Sports Authority guy or a Bass Pro Shop guy? Is he a meat and potatoes man or a carb-avoiding fitness- focused fellow? There are many types of husbands, and many varied preferences when it comes to the kind of romance men like. So when you’re thinking of romantic ideas for him, it helps to think about his particular likes and dislikes.
Your husband’s idea of romance might be a night of ESPN, nachos and you (at least you’re part of it, right?). Another husband might prefer soft music, scented candles, and, oh yeah, you, of course!
We can always use another good idea for romancing our husband, right? Here are 41 ways to romance your husband you might not have thought of.
1. Hide a love note in his wallet.
2. Send a sweet text message for no reason at all.
3. Send a sexy text message for a very good reason.
4. Invite him on a date for a change.
5. Let him talk without interrupting.
6. Cook his favorite dinner.
7. Make sure his favorite clothes are clean and ready to wear.
8. Show interest in his work.
9. Watch the whole game with him.
10. Wear perfume.
11. Laugh at his jokes, even the bad ones.
12. Tell him he looks extra handsome.
13. Let him enjoy his hobby guilt-free.
14. Play songs you both loved when you were dating.
15. Praise him in front of the kids.
16. Praise him in front of his friends.
17. Kiss him when he walks in the door.
18. Kiss him when he walks out the door.
19. Kiss him when he gets anywhere near the door.
20. Let the kids eat in front of the TV one night and have a nice, adults only dinner.
21. Let him make the call on parenting decisions without second guessing.
22. Bring him breakfast in bed.
23. Choose the pretty nightgown over the flannel PJ’s—even if it’s cold.
24. Choose your birthday suit over the pretty nightgown.
25. When you tell him you’ll do something, follow through.
26. Offer a massage.
27. Meet him at the door so that you can greet him before the children pile on.
28. Send a text with just one word… “When?”
29. Have supper going so the house smells great when he walks in.
30. Light a candle in the bedroom.
31. Buy him his favorite snack or beverage.
32. Fix up a travel mug of coffee just the way he likes it before he heads out the door.
33. Act like you’ve never heard his story before—even when you have.
34. Tell him how proud he makes you.
35. Hold his hand when he least expects it.
36. Sit on his lap.
37. Encourage him to do something with his friends.
38. Let him roughhouse with the kids without scolding.
39. Feel his muscles.
40. Wink at him.
41. Say, “Yes.”

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT SEX

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 ESV / 562 helpful votes
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Hebrews 13:4 ESV / 462 helpful votes
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV / 384 helpful votes
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Genesis 2:24 ESV / 363 helpful votes
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Proverbs 5:18-19 ESV / 341 helpful votes
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV / 321 helpful votes
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV / 272 helpful votes
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
Matthew 5:28 ESV / 237 helpful votes
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Genesis 39:7-10 ESV / 182 helpful votes
And after a time his master's wife cast her eyes on Joseph and said, “Lie with me.” But he refused and said to his master's wife, “Behold, because of me my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my charge. He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except yourself, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” And as she spoke to Joseph day after day, he would not listen to her, to lie beside her or to be with her.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV / 173 helpful votes
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV / 155 helpful votes
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Colossians 3:5 ESV / 147 helpful votes
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
Proverbs 6:32 ESV / 126 helpful votes
He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.
Romans 13:13-14 ESV / 122 helpful votes
Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
1 Corinthians 6:13 ESV / 121 helpful votes
“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
Exodus 20:14 ESV / 117 helpful votes
“You shall not commit adultery.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV / 109 helpful votes
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Timothy 1:10 ESV / 95 helpful votes
The sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine,
Galatians 5:19-21 ESV / 93 helpful votes
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 7:1-2 ESV / 90 helpful votes
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
Leviticus 20:13 ESV / 81 helpful votes
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.
Leviticus 18:22 ESV / 72 helpful votes
You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.
Mark 7:20-23 ESV / 67 helpful votes
And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
1 Thessalonians 4:7 ESV / 66 helpful votes
For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.
Job 31:1 ESV / 64 helpful votes
“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?
2 Timothy 2:22 ESV / 56 helpful votes
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
1 Thessalonians 4:4 ESV / 53 helpful votes
That each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,
1 Corinthians 6:12-20 ESV / 53 helpful votes
“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” ...
Ephesians 5:3 ESV / 47 helpful votes
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
1 John 2:15-16 ESV / 42 helpful votes
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
Romans 1:24-27 ESV / 42 helpful votes
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 ESV / 41 helpful votes
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;
Romans 1:27 ESV / 37 helpful votes
And the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
Genesis 1:28 ESV / 36 helpful votes
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Matthew 5:27-30 ESV / 35 helpful votes
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
Titus 2:12 ESV / 34 helpful votes
Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,
1 Peter 2:11 ESV / 33 helpful votes
Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.
Genesis 1:27 ESV / 32 helpful votes
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
1 Corinthians 6:9 ESV / 31 helpful votes
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
Romans 1:26-27 ESV / 31 helpful votes
For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
Song of Solomon 1:1-17 ESV / 29 helpful votes
The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you. I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. ...
Jude 1:7 ESV / 25 helpful votes
Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.
Galatians 5:19 ESV / 25 helpful votes
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,
Song of Solomon 4:13-16 ESV / 23 helpful votes
Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits, henna with nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all choice spices— a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon. Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits.
Song of Solomon 7:7 ESV / 21 helpful votes
Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 ESV / 20 helpful votes
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Romans 13:9 ESV / 20 helpful votes
For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Romans 1:26 ESV / 20 helpful votes
For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature;
Genesis 4:25 ESV / 20 helpful votes
And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, “God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him.”
Genesis 4:1 ESV / 20 helpful votes
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.”
Genesis 29:23 ESV / 19 helpful votes
But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her.
2 Kings 23:7 ESV / 18 helpful votes
And he broke down the houses of the male cult prostitutes who were in the house of the Lord, where the women wove hangings for the Asherah.
Proverbs 31:2-3 ESV / 17 helpful votes
What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.
Galatians 6:1-18 ESV / 16 helpful votes
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load. ...
Matthew 15:19-20 ESV / 16 helpful votes
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.”
1 Corinthians 6:11 ESV / 14 helpful votes
And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Deuteronomy 24:5 ESV / 14 helpful votes
“When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.
Exodus 22:19 ESV / 14 helpful votes
“Whoever lies with an animal shall be put to death.
Song of Solomon 4:16 ESV / 13 helpful votes
Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits.
1 Kings 15:12 ESV / 13 helpful votes
He put away the male cult prostitutes out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers had made.
Numbers 31:17-18 ESV / 13 helpful votes
Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man by lying with him. But all the young girls who have not known man by lying with him keep alive for yourselves.
Genesis 4:17 ESV / 13 helpful votes
Cain knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Enoch. When he built a city, he called the name of the city after the name of his son, Enoch.
1 John 4:7-8 ESV / 11 helpful votes
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Proverbs 5:19 ESV / 11 helpful votes
A lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
Genesis 38:8-9 ESV / 11 helpful votes
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother's wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother.
Genesis 19:4-8 ESV / 11 helpful votes
But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them.” Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, and said, “I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.”
Ephesians 5:21-25 ESV / 10 helpful votes
Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
1 Corinthians 6:19 ESV / 10 helpful votes
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,
Proverbs 1:1-7 ESV / 10 helpful votes
The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth— Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance, ...
1 Corinthians 10:8 ESV / 8 helpful votes
We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day.
Genesis 16:4 ESV / 8 helpful votes
And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress.
1 Peter 4:8 ESV / 7 helpful votes
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
Judges 14:14 ESV / 7 helpful votes
And he said to them, “Out of the eater came something to eat. Out of the strong came something sweet.” And in three days they could not solve the riddle.
Genesis 19:1-38 ESV / 7 helpful votes
The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed himself with his face to the earth and said, “My lords, please turn aside to your servant's house and spend the night and wash your feet. Then you may rise up early and go on your way.” They said, “No; we will spend the night in the town square.” But he pressed them strongly; so they turned aside to him and entered his house. And he made them a feast and baked unleavened bread, and they ate. But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them.” ...
Ecclesiastes 4:11 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?
Psalm 16:11 ESV / 6 helpful votes
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Genesis 2:25 ESV / 6 helpful votes
And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
1 Samuel 1:12 ESV / 5 helpful votes
As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.
Numbers 11:12 ESV / 5 helpful votes
Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child,’ to the land that you swore to give their fathers?
Genesis 50:20 ESV / 5 helpful votes
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.
Mark 12:25 ESV / 4 helpful votes
For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
Ezekiel 23:1-49 ESV / 4 helpful votes
The word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother. They played the whore in Egypt; they played the whore in their youth; there their breasts were pressed and their virgin bosoms handled. Oholah was the name of the elder and Oholibah the name of her sister. They became mine, and they bore sons and daughters. As for their names, Oholah is Samaria, and Oholibah is Jerusalem. “Oholah played the whore while she was mine, and she lusted after her lovers the Assyrians, warriors ...
Leviticus 18:1-30 ESV / 3 helpful votes
And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to the people of Israel and say to them, I am the Lord your God. You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt, where you lived, and you shall not do as they do in the land of Canaan, to which I am bringing you. You shall not walk in their statutes. You shall follow my rules and keep my statutes and walk in them. I am the Lord your God. You shall therefore keep my statutes and my rules; if a person does them, he shall live by them: I am the Lord. ...
Genesis 18:1-33 ESV / 3 helpful votes
And the Lord appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day. He lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, three men were standing in front of him. When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth and said, “O Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant. Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree, while I bring a morsel of bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on—since you have come to your servant.” So they said, “Do as you have said.” .

Making Your Marriage More Romantic

When you were courting, all you could think about was how exciting and romantic it was to be together. Back then, you couldn’t do enough to please each other. As time passed, you got so accustomed to married life that you stopped making special efforts for each other. There were always so many responsibilities and details to take care of, that who could think about romance? Maybe you’ve been missing those blissful feelings — and you sense that your partner misses them too. Here are a few ways to put more romance back into your marriage.
Pay attention to your appearance
There’s a saying: Beauty’s only skin deep, but ugliness goes right through to the bone. Too often, people who’ve been married for years no longer feel the need to go through the effort of looking good for their partner.
If your wife doesn’t enjoy seeing you lounging around the house in your underwear, or if your husband is bothered by seeing you in worn out slippers and an old bathrobe, don’t ignore it. Doing that is a lot like saying: “We’re married. Therefore, I don’t have to bother putting on any kind of show. You’re always going to be there, so I don’t have to worry about pleasing you.” After you become indifferent to your appearance, your spouse may have a hard time seeing you in a romantic and exciting way.
Use words of love
Saying the words “I love you” is always a good idea — as long as they’re said sincerely. Everyone appreciates being told how much they’re loved and cherished.
Here are some ways to expand that simple three-word phrase:
• Share your hopes, dreams, and secret thoughts. There are some things that you can only communicate through words. And few things make your partner feel closer to you than letting her in on your most private thoughts and visions.
When your goal is to create more closeness in your marriage, you want to share only thoughts and emotions that are likely to make your partner feel loved and wanted. Save any worries that are likely to generate anger or tears for another time.
• Tell your partner often how much you love being married to her. Then, talk about the qualities you enjoy most. Is it her terrific sense of humor? The way he greets you at the door when you come home from work? Married couples often spend a lot of time complaining about one another’s faults and shortcomings. If you want to stir up the romantic fires in your relationship, try letting her know what she does that pleases you most.
Use a gentle touch
• The way people touch each other communicates different feelings and provokes different sensations. Wives often complain that their husbands touch them only when they want sex. Women seem to like more hand holding, kissing, and gentle physical closeness than men. So, guys, don’t wait for bedtime to touch and fondle your wife. Make it part of the way you communicate every day.
• The absence of affectionate touching doesn’t always mean that there’s a problem in the marriage. However, a certain amount of gentle, non-sexual touching enhances closeness and heightens the sense of romance between the partners. This touching can take many forms, like caressing your partner’s face, putting an arm around her back, or stroking his hair.
Make time to be alone together
• When husbands and wives don’t spend enough time alone, they are bound to grow apart. And when a couple already has problems, they often distance themselves from one another by using kids, friends, family members — even groups of strangers — as buffers.
• Couples with young children need to make a special effort to find time to be by themselves. Sure, it’s not always easy to find a babysitter. It often seems easier to drag the kids along to wherever you’re going. That may be conducive to a rich family life, but you need to balance that with time for the two of you.
• Make it your business to find at least a few hours each week for the two of you to be alone together. Go for a walk, movie, or ballgame. Meet for lunch. Take a cooking class together. Try to get away overnight as often as possible.
Play and laugh together
When the routines of day-to-day life begin to take over, you may forget that playing together is as important as working together. Few things help you appreciate the good things in life — and in your marriage — than adding a touch of child-like playfulness.
• Watch the way children play; the way they seem to take pleasure from each moment. Adults often let themselves get so loaded down with pressures and responsibilities that they forget how important it is to have fun.
• Think of play as any activity that you enjoy together. It may be taking a drive in the country, going to the zoo, or taking up ballroom dancing. Or stay home, order in a pizza, and rent a couple of videos. Whatever makes the two of you smile and feel light-hearted.
Revisit your shared history
• Is there a special spot where you used to spend time when you were courting? A certain restaurant near your first apartment where the two of always had Sunday brunch? How long has it been since you’ve been back to those places?
• Continue to seek out new romantic places and rituals, and add them to the ones you already have.
• Your shared history as a couple is ongoing. The special experiences and meaningful rituals that you create over the course of your marriage help you have a richer and more romantic life together.